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fijiraverix
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Name: Jack
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Male
Interests: Worshiping God and Basketball (playing, watching.etc)
Expertise: ask, and maybe i'll tell you
Occupation: Servant of God no matter where
Industry: Fishing
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
2/18/2003
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| quit lying... quit all the fluffy nice words... u starting to sound like Obama... cut that out...
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| maybe I need to truly find a place to write down what's on my mind without been public.. this might be the last entry for awhile... it seems that whether I share or not... it wont make a _______ different...
Must show restrain, must be Christ like... some how find happiness within and with Him.... Talking about it wont help... never helps.... so now I am just gonna suppress it like what I did before... at least for awhile.. i was fine..
Maybe I need to just leave everything and move to a brand new city, state, country.... to start a life over... to where I do not have any attachment... no strings... or MAYBE... i donno...
I am suppose to have the fruits of the spirit... but so far.. i feel more of anger, frustration, hate, jealousy.... everything "negative" instead of love and kindness and all that puffy stuff..
Mean while I have 2.5 weeks to be this HAPPY GO LUCKY POSITIVE person at work.. I think I can "make it happen" since I have done so before... He'll be with me... and He'll guide me though... I am pretty inconsistent because i have hope in Him... faith in Him... just not everything for some reason...
I don't know whats wrong with me... or maybe I know i just refuse to face it.. a lot of MAYBE and a lot of HOPE and what not.... eh... forget it... I am just gonna make mental notes from now on since.... none of this matters or helps...
and ya.... please ______ stop _______ that _______ really c______ and you make it sound like you aren't _________ others ________ e. cuz you do... but in the end... i dont want any petty, feel obligated and what not.... blah..
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| i need a place to vent how i feel inside and I do not know where to turn to. Since no one is reading this any more.. i think it is a place for me to release my frustration.. Why do I care? What I want, I usually cant have, and I have so little patience to wait for the "right one" cuz i don't even know what exactly I want any more.
i want to cuss out loud.. i feel that's the only way i can release my frustration.. but that's not christian like and I cant do that... so once again.. i suppress it like I always do and just pretend all is well and fine and what not.
I am the king of inconsistency. I am consistently inconsistent.
Finally find _____ but _______ doesn't know how i feel... i cannot express ______ because the age and so many other reasons... freaking great... finally find _____ that fits most of my "requirements" but _____@!($*&!
I guess grass is greener on the other side... or my(*&( life is %&^% upside down in a way cuz this little incident..
I am (*&(* emotionally fragile and once again... this _______ once again show me that i am not ready.. and i dont think i'll ever be ready... i guess this is the "other shoe" that fall.
Ya... it is great to have Jesus in my life... and it is very encouraging that Jesus spoke through these prayer ladies and He is happy and satisfy with me. But why am i not happy? Sometimes I wish I do not have any emotions... What I want to express.. i cant fully.. what I want to say.. i cant say... i can FEEL how i feel and all the things I suppress at the back of my neck...
I want to break things.. or someone... I dont even know what to do any more... how can I have fun? once again.. i am fragile and weak and I cant stand it any more...
I really hate how I feel right now and it blows
after I wrote all these.. i still dont feel any better.. what the ________!!
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| i wrote this few days ago... surprising how some of my friends had the same exact thought (ok.. fine.. similar thought) around the same time i wrote this..
Do not lie to God for sometimes, it can be truly deadly. He has great
mercy and compassion for us but sometimes, the lie is too severe that
we might have to pay the price for it immediately.
Keep the people in OC and LA who are and might be affect by the fire
in prayer. And also keep the state of California in prayer. I do not
think there is a coincident that as the State of California and
America as a whole become more and more wicked and turn further away
from God, all these natural disasters begin to happen more often and
more severe. Pray that God'll have mercy on us, pray that Prop 8 will
stay instead be twisted because the opposite side is really loud and
angry right now, and pray that God'll look after and some how bring
peace to the ones that are affect by the fire.
I pray that God will show us the believers mercy and will not let us stuck in this "world" for too long. As the day goes by, the more of that verse "the world and everyone will hate you because of my name" and "the suffering will be so great that most will not able to bare" become very very scary and worrisome. Mercy on us oh Lord. And please, bring our friends and family back to You and worship You as one and only true God.
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| It is quit disturbing in my mind to think that any Christian will vote against Prop 8 which is basically the foundation of our Christian belief. I know no one is perfect. I know everyone sins. I know everyone fall short of perfection. I'll be the first to admit that I am maybe the most opposite from perfect and pure and good in God's standard. However, I cant imagine anyone who claims to be a Christian or believe in the Bible and still vote NO on prop 8. In the beginning of the Bible, God created Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve or Eve and Jenny but Adam AND Eve. And MANY times in the Bible, it stated that the husband has to look over and protect his wife (not wives) and the wife has to obey and respect her husband not husbands or domestic partner or what not. It is truly frustrated me that how by expressing my belief and opinion and trying to protect what's normal, what's the original design, what's natural, I am a narrow-minded person and I am a "hater" to the minority (who are VERY LOUD) the gays and lesbians. By expressing my opinion, many others trying to "correct" me by arguing with me and try to change my mind. Why should I be the one that has to change my mind? Why dont they change theirs? Like i said, I still cannot believe anyone who goes to church, who claim to believe in God, but vote against Prop 8. That's worst than the Sunday Christians, worst than the ones who dont even know the Lord.
Father, I pray for forgiveness on these people. I ask for forgiveness on myself for I am not better than them and I too fail and fall short many times. Father, I pray for revival in this land starting from California and you'll turn this nation around. I pray for the pass of Prop 4 and 8. Father, the odds are against us however, with you on our side, the odds is always our favor. Thank You Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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